All I Want For Christmas (Is You)
by GunBunnyCentral
Summary: Amanda has no holiday spirit, and no holiday plans. Nikita is not okay with this...
1. I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas

Notes: A bit of holiday fluff set during Nikita's first Christmas as a full agent; written for the Winter 2013 round of Shatterstorm Production's Femslash Advent Calendar

{*****}

_I don't want a lot for Christmas -_  
_there is just one thing I need._  
_I don't care about the presents_  
_underneath the Christmas tree._

_I just want you for my own,_  
_more than you could ever know._  
_Make my wish come true -_  
_all I want for Christmas is you..._

Mariah Carey, _All I Want For Christmas Is You_

{*****}

It was all Amanda's fault, really - or at least that was Nikita's considered opinion on the matter. Not that Amanda was especially likely to see it that way, she realized as two imposing but impeccably polite security officers escorted her up to Amanda's penthouse.

Still, this entire situation could have been avoided if Amanda had just answered the damn question the first time Nikita had asked it. It wasn't as if she'd been asking for a GPS location or anything - even a vague answer would have done the trick…

_Nikita's fatigue - and her annoyance at her no-show target - faded as Amanda walked up beside her, clearly on her way out for the night too. "We just got confirmation that your target never left Athens. We'll try again next week."_

_Nikita just shrugged even as she kept walking, waving one hand at Amanda to acknowledge the update. "Whatever."_

_Then, caught in a sudden fit of curiosity, Nikita stopped and turned to walk back to Amanda, who was just standing there shaking her head a little at Nikita's response. "Amanda - where do you go when you leave here?"_

_"Very good, Nikita." Amanda just smiled in typical Amanda fashion, seeming both pleased and amused at once. Rumor had it that that particular combination could be dangerous, but there was a certain indulgence underneath it that was a hallmark of her conversations with Nikita. "It usually takes the new agents several years to ask me that question."_

_Nikita, never having been on anyone's timetable but her own, couldn't help the smugness in her own smile and voice. "So how long does it take to get an answer?"_

_"I don't know," Amanda finally said, head tilting slightly as she eyed Nikita. "I haven't given one yet."_

Nikita had laughed and laughed at that, conceding Amanda her victory - only to receive an identical brush-off when she posed the question a couple days later. She got a slightly different, and much more pointed, brush-off when she asked again a few days after that - at which point the unresolved question began to eat at her in a way she couldn't ignore.

It had taken a few days - and a few false starts - before Nikita had the chance to do anything about it, though. She wasn't stupid or foolhardy enough to try to poke around the Division databases for Amanda's address, or even start asking her fellow agents if they knew where Amanda lived. Instead, she did exactly what Michael had taught her to do - she used every bit of skill at her command to discretely follow Amanda back to her home.

She wasn't exactly sure what she'd expected - a big, fancy, and very old mansion somewhere near Division, maybe? - but the upscale apartment building a couple hours away in New York City seemed strangely appropriate once she thought about it a minute. The arrangement made even more sense the next time she tailed Amanda back home and she realized that Amanda apparently had the building's penthouse suite.

She probably could have left it at that, content that Amanda was both secure and comfortable, if she hadn't stumbled across the damn necklace while shopping and decided it would make a perfect Christmas present for Amanda. She'd purchased it right away, not even bothering to check the price tag, and then brought it with her to give Amanda before it occurred to her that it might not be appropriate to give the other woman such an expensive gift, especially at work.

Nikita was quite proud of having picked the gift out herself - it had been worth every penny even at ridiculous boutique prices - but she clearly needed to find a way to give it to Amanda outside of work. The only trouble there was that she hardly saw Amanda much at work anymore since making full agent - outside of mission prep, anyway - and certainly never saw her at all outside Division.

The solution she'd reached while half-asleep one night seemed pretty genius to her - she'd just slip into the lobby of the apartment building and leave it at the desk so that they could pass it on to Amanda for her. It continued to seem like a genius idea right up to the point where the clerk behind the desk - who she'd never met before - identified her by name and insisted on escorting her up to see Amanda in person.

It wasn't a hard puzzle to solve - Amanda had clearly realized that Nikita had been following her home and alerted the front desk in case she tried to enter the building - but Nikita couldn't predict exactly what mood Amanda would be in once they reached the penthouse.

On the one hand, Amanda didn't usually fuss too much anymore about Nikita's more impulsive moments, preferring to let her hone her instincts - and would probably be amused at all the trouble Nikita had gone through just to give her a Christmas gift. On the other, Nikita was suddenly struck with the realization that she'd most definitely invaded Amanda's privacy, even if she'd never meant to.

The security officers - polite as ever - pulled Nikita out of her thoughts as the elevator finally reached the penthouse. They escorted her out of the elevator and into the foyer, where Amanda was waiting - Amanda thanked them for bringing Nikita up, assuring them that there was nothing further for them to worry about, and they left without another word to Nikita.

One glance into those blue eyes once they were alone in that foyer was enough to confirm every fear Nikita had had about her reception - Amanda was clearly pissed, for all that she kept her voice even as she finally acknowledged Nikita's presence. "Hello, Nikita."

Nikita could almost hear Amanda's inward sigh as she studied her unexpected guest's face - Nikita knew her expression just then was appropriately, and genuinely, embarrassed, and hoped it would help smooth over Amanda's temper. It seemed to work, at least a little, because Amanda's voice when she spoke again held more irritation than actual anger. "We talked about this, Nikita - I thought I had made it perfectly clear that I wasn't going to give you my address just to satisfy your idle curiosity."

The object of Amanda's irritation found herself unable to do much more than stare down at her shuffling feet. Feeling oddly like a schoolgirl being chastened by her teacher, she tried to explain that she'd meant no harm - unfortunately the words didn't come out intelligibly, much less correctly. "...present..."

Amanda, already annoyed, apparently couldn't help being even more so at Nikita's botched explanation - not that Nikita really blamed her. "Why are you here, Nikita?"

Amanda's question was as much a command as anything else, and Nikita knew it. She quailed under Amanda's scrutiny for a moment, then lifted her head up, jaw set in a mixture of stubbornness and defiance as she explained herself. "I only followed you here twice before today. I wouldn't even have come inside but I wanted to leave your Christmas present at the front desk for you as a surprise."

Incredulity - still tinged with irritation - laced every syllable of Amanda's response. "You did all this just to give me a Christmas present?"

The negative reaction to what was supposed to be a nice, friendly gesture stung a little, but Nikita reminded herself that Amanda had a right to be upset. There was something off about the entire conversation, though, something Nikita couldn't quite place other than to recognize that it somehow felt much worse than being similarly lectured in Amanda's office…

That was when the realization struck Nikita - there was absolutely nothing of Amanda in this penthouse, lovely and perfectly decorated as it was. Amanda's presence permeated every square inch of her office at Division, from the classical music that always played softly in the background, to the well-loved tea set that always stood at the ready, to the faint lingering traces of Amanda's perfume that Nikita swore she could always smell even under the scent of the delphiniums Amanda seemed to love so much.

There was nothing at all like that here - just picture-perfect holiday decorations, complete with an equally picture-perfect tree that would rival any retail store display. It was cold, and soulless, and Nikita felt an actual physical pang at the thought of Amanda staying here, presumably alone, for the holidays - that last part, of course, was gut instinct with no proof whatsoever, but it felt right.

Before Nikita could think of some way to verify that, though, the sudden whistling of a kettle from the kitchen startled them both. Nikita jumped a little, but Amanda's only visible reaction was a slightly longer than normal blink as she continued eying Nikita - then she let out a quiet sigh and just pointed over at the doorway to the next room.

Nikita didn't need any further clarification - she went through that doorway into a huge living room that somehow seemed even colder and more impersonal than the foyer had. The fireplace and large, twinkling Christmas tree should have added warmth to the room but somehow couldn't quite manage it - the way that the echo of Amanda's heels against the hardwood floor quickly faded away into silence probably didn't help either.

Whatever conversation they were going to have about Nikita's behavior was obviously going to happen over tea - a strangely reassuring thing to contemplate - so Nikita took a seat to wait for Amanda's return. It gave her a little time to process everything she'd seen in the last few minutes, and she realized that Amanda was apparently living alone in a penthouse that covered an entire floor of the apartment building.

It was a safe bet that it belonged to Division, and was also occasionally used for official Division business, but that didn't make it seem any less lonely or any less sterile. All the times Amanda had laughingly referred to her office as her home away from home suddenly took on an entirely new meaning, and Nikita winced at the thought of Amanda coming home to this huge, empty place each night - hell, the tiny rooms they gave the recruits were more welcoming than this.

The renewed echo of Amanda's heels on the floor gave Nikita just enough time to compose herself before Amanda entered the room carrying a tea tray. Most people would have rushed to assist Amanda with it, but Nikita knew better - she just waited quietly until Amanda had everything arranged to her satisfaction.

Amanda handed Nikita a mug - not a teacup, Nikita absently noted, but a coffee mug decorated with a cute little poinsettia for the holidays - ignoring her own teacup as she took her seat. It was perhaps the only lingering sign of her earlier irritation. "I trust you understand what you did wrong."

Nikita just nodded, relieved that Amanda was nowhere near as angry with her as she could have been. "It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry."

That seemed to be all Amanda needed to hear, since she actually smiled at Nikita. "Well, it is your first Christmas as a full agent, so I suppose I can excuse it this once - as long as it doesn't happen again."

Nikita grinned then went to sip at her tea out of reflex, eyes widening as she realized it wasn't actually tea. She wasn't especially surprised that Amanda had remembered her offhand comment about preferring hot chocolate to tea during the holidays, but she definitely would never have expected Amanda to remember her recently-developed fondness for adding hazelnut syrup to it.

It was a not-so-subtle gesture of forgiveness on Amanda's part, and gave Nikita the courage she needed to start poking around into Amanda's holiday plans. "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve - shouldn't you be getting on a plane to go see your family or something?"

Amanda picked up her teacup and took a sip before settling back into her seat. The look she gave Nikita made it clear that she knew Nikita was digging for something, but she apparently decided to humor her anyway. "My family passed a long time ago, not that we were ever known for our holiday togetherness. I much prefer a quiet day at home, anyway."

She took another sip of her tea, and then changed the subject. "And what about you? I assume you have plans of some sort."

Some agents lamented the forced separation from their families at times like this - Nikita was not one of them, and Amanda knew it. It was the first Christmas that Nikita would be free - more or less - to do what she wanted, and she did indeed have plans, even if they weren't anything fancy. "There's going to be a big Christmas party in my building. I've made a few friends, so it should be fun - even if it isn't, it'll be good for my cover."

Amanda smiled at that, steering the conversation to the strangely more familiar and comfortable ground of Nikita's extended cover and how she was settling into it. They lingered quite amiably over the topic through a second cup of hot chocolate - tea for Amanda, of course - after which Nikita made her excuses and left.

She'd made sure to give Amanda her present before leaving, and Amanda's genuine smile as she did so made her feel a little bit better about Amanda being by herself on Christmas. There was a part of her, though, that just wouldn't be mollified and kept insisting that there had to be something she could do to keep Amanda from being alone.

Somewhere between Amanda's apartment building and her own, Nikita's impulsive side managed to formulate a plan that was actually solid enough to overcome the perfectly justifiable fear her more rational side had of angering Amanda again. Grinning to herself, she started working out what she'd need even as she scarfed down the dinner she'd picked up for herself on the way home…


	2. This Is All I'm Asking For

When the penthouse's landline started ringing, it was such an unfamiliar sound that Amanda actually stared at her cell phone a moment in confusion before identifying the noise's source. Frowning as she wondered what on earth it could signify, she moved to answer the call. "This is Doctor Collins."

"Good morning, Doctor," replied a sweet if slightly-too-cheery voice. "This is Dani with the front desk. I'm sorry to call so early, but we have a Miss Mears here wanting to see you."

Amanda bit back a sigh - apparently yesterday's conversation hadn't sunk in as well as she'd hoped. She was tempted to have Dani send Nikita away, but couldn't quite bring herself to give the order. "Go ahead and let her up - this time."

"Of course, Doctor," Dani said, the clacking of keys in the background indicating she was noting down Amanda's request in the front desk's computer system. "I'll give it about five minutes and then send Miss Mears up."

Amanda thanked her, absently returning her 'Merry Christmas!' with as close to the expected level of enthusiasm she could muster, then frowned again as she hung up the phone and glanced at the clock. It was eight in the morning on Christmas Eve - not so early that she'd been in bed asleep, but still early enough that she hadn't been even remotely prepared for visitors, expected or otherwise.

Five minutes wasn't nearly enough time to fix that, so she settled for pulling a brush through her hair and throwing a robe over her pajamas. She'd much rather have had this conversation in a more formal capacity, but she didn't need designer clothing to remind a newly-graduated agent about rules and boundaries.

Reminding a somewhat over-exuberant woman by the name of Nikita Mears about those same rules and boundaries might prove a little more difficult, but she was annoyed enough by the second invasion of her privacy in as many days that she was confident she'd find a way. She stayed perfectly confident in that assessment, too, right up until the moment Nikita stepped off that elevator.

Whatever she'd been about to say simply died unspoken as she took in the gaudy and somewhat worn Christmas sweater Nikita had paired with equally worn jeans and her favorite winter boots. "What in the name of god are you wearing?"

"Good morning to you, too," Nikita replied with a laugh. Then she held out the casserole dish in her hands. "Here, hold this a sec…"

The thing was already in Amanda's hands before she even thought to object, and that only served to annoy her further. Still, watching Nikita struggle to set down her coat and the two bags she was also carrying, Amanda had to concede that cooperating - for now - was better than having a mess to clean up.

She handed the casserole dish back to Nikita the instant the other woman's hands were free again, then made sure she had Nikita's full attention. "One of us must be having memory problems, Nikita, because I distinctly remember having a conversation yesterday about privacy, and boundaries, and how both need to be respected."

"We did," Nikita conceded, "and I promise not to make a habit of just dropping in on you uninvited. But it's Christmas Eve and I thought it would be nice to have breakfast together."

That was an exceedingly difficult statement to argue against without sounding completely churlish - especially on Christmas Eve - and Amanda found herself both strangely touched by Nikita's thoughtfulness and further irritated by feeling somewhat trapped into accepting the gesture. "Fine - but we will be discussing this further later."

Nikita just grinned in a way that made Amanda despair for that future conversation, then scurried off down the hallway toward the kitchen that Amanda kindly pointed her in the direction of. Amanda, assuming that Nikita could handle a simple stove without further supervision, headed off to her suite to get dressed.

Twenty minutes later - feeling a little more in control with her clothes, hair, and makeup properly tended to - Amanda followed the scent of vanilla, sugar, and cinnamon back to the kitchen. She detected further hints of ginger, nutmeg, and allspice as she got closer, and was none-too-subtly reminded that she hadn't had anything other than her customary cup of tea that morning.

Nikita, seeming quite at home as she bustled around the kitchen Amanda rarely even bothered to use, stopped and turned toward the sound of Amanda's footsteps. She gave Amanda an unconscious - and strangely innocent - once-over before smiling. "You look nice!"

Amanda - maybe by way of apology for insulting it earlier, maybe because she just didn't feel like dressing up for once - had opted for her own version of Nikita's ensemble. Granted, Amanda's red sweater and blue jeans were both designer *and* tailored to fit perfectly, but it was still her version of casual.

Accepting Nikita's comment as the compliment it was meant to be - and completely ignoring the strange degree to which it pleased her - Amanda just smiled back. "It smells wonderful in here. What are you making?"

Nikita, already busy pulling the dishes and silverware they'd need from the various cupboards and drawers, threw Amanda another smile over her shoulder. "Pumpkin spice French toast. It'll be done baking in about twenty minutes."

Those somehow managed to be twenty of the single most awkward minutes of Amanda's life. Nikita occupied herself with exploring the kitchen and all its drawers and cabinets to see how everything was laid out - after getting permission, of course - leaving Amanda with nothing else to do but watch her. After the second or third time she found herself paying more attention to the fit of Nikita's jeans than to the small talk she was making, Amanda decided she'd had enough and went to go set the table in the breakfast room.

Things improved a little once the food was ready - or at least, they improved for Amanda, as Nikita didn't seem uncomfortable in the least. Nikita chattered happily about the French toast recipe, detailing how she'd discovered the original version of it before going into the many various disasters she'd had while experimenting with it afterward.

Lulled by Nikita's seeming relaxation and by the excellent food - it was rich enough that neither of them even touched the maple syrup or powdered sugar on the table - Amanda somehow walked right into a trap. She didn't even realize it at first, either, which was probably some sort of testament to how well she'd trained Nikita.

"I knew it!" Nikita all but crowed when Amanda admitted she'd been completely engrossed in reports and paperwork when the front desk had call earlier - so much so, in fact, that she hadn't even thought about breakfast yet.

Nikita smiled again after that, humming under her breath as she gathered up their plates, but Amanda knew better than to trust it at this point. She was right, too - Nikita paused in the doorway between the breakfast room and the kitchen, glancing back at Amanda over her shoulder. "Just let me get these washed and we can head out."

"I won't take no for an answer, either," Nikita added before Amanda could protest. "It's Christmas Eve - work can wait."

It took Amanda several minutes before she deemed herself calm enough to follow Nikita into the kitchen. "And just where are you proposing we go?"

Nikita didn't even bother to look up from the dishes she was washing. "Skating at Wollman. I brought you skates, just in case - they're in the red bag by the elevator."

Setting the last dish to dry, Nikita turned to face Amanda. "I had to guess your shoe size - you need to try on the skates before we leave so we can exchange them if they don't fit."

There was a certain childlike pride in Nikita's eyes - she'd planned what she saw as an uncomplicated holiday diversion for a friend, successfully managing every detail on her own so that it would also be a surprise. The only problem was that it wasn't nearly as uncomplicated as Nikita thought, for many reasons - not the least of which was that Amanda was still very much her boss.

Amanda sighed as she tried to work out the best way to explain things to Nikita without hurting her feelings unduly. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Nikita, even if I haven't been very gracious about it, but-"

She never got to the next part of her statement. Nikita cut her off, smiling apologetically to try and take some of the sting out of the interruption. "If you're going to remind me that you're my boss, and this is all inappropriate somehow, I already know that."

Amanda let the interruption slide in the name of curiosity, and in hopes of regaining control over the situation. "Then why are you doing this?"

Something dark replaced the childlike excitement in Nikita's eyes as she crossed her arms and met Amanda's gaze. There was nothing remotely childlike about her reply, either. "Because no one really wants to spend Christmas at home alone, Amanda, and because I get the feeling no one has done anything nice for you in a very long time."

If there had been even the barest trace of pity in those words, Amanda could have hidden behind pride and anger - and it might have been easier if she could have. Instead, there was only understanding born of long and painful experience, negating almost any response Amanda might have made.

Nikita, arms still crossed, leaned back against the counter as she eyed Amanda in a credible imitation of Amanda's own stare. "Look, this is all just supposed to be something fun to get you out of the house for a while, but it's pretty clear I struck a nerve. So I'm gonna back off now and give you a little space to decide what you want to do - and if you want to me to go after that, I will."

Without saying another word, Nikita took the kettle from the stove and filled it, setting it to heat before walking out of the kitchen and into the breakfast room. The kitchen felt strangely empty to Amanda after Nikita left it, but she pushed that thought aside to focus on the more important thing at hand: she only had the amount of time it would take her to brew and drink a cup of tea to decide what to do with the mess Nikita had made.

Amanda took every minute available to her and then some, stretching things out by forcing herself to drink lukewarm tea for as long as she could stand it. The problem, once reduced to its simplest form, was two-fold: first, Nikita's graceless but well-intended overture of friendship had struck a chord and made her realize that she honestly did not want to spend the holidays alone this year; second, there was no way she could possibly accept that overture and still maintain the emotional boundaries she knew were absolutely necessary between herself and Nikita.

When Amanda finally walked back into the breakfast room, she found Nikita - shoes removed and neatly placed beside her chair - sitting cross-legged at the table, eyes closed as she listened to the classical music Amanda had started earlier when they'd sat down to eat. Nikita didn't actually move at all, or even open her eyes, but something in her posture clearly indicated that she'd heard Amanda approach and was just waiting to see what she said.

Amanda took a deep breath - and then something absolutely unheard-of happened. The firm but gentle refusal she'd so painstakingly crafted in her head emerged as something else entirely. "I don't know how to skate. My father didn't have much use for anything outside of academics."

Nikita, eyes still closed, smiled a little, as if she'd caught the many levels of understatement behind the words. Then she opened her eyes to look up at Amanda. "I can teach you."

One last attempt at refusal failed much the same way Amanda's first one had - mere moments later, she was seated at the table as Nikita taught her how to properly lace her new skates. Mercifully, the lesson was completed and absorbed before Amanda's thoughts could linger too long on the strangely disquieting fact that Nikita had correctly guessed her skate size on a complete whim - or the equally disquieting feel of Nikita's hands on her feet, ankles, and calves.

That disquiet lingered through the cab ride to Central Park - so much so that Amanda barely paid any attention to Nikita's steady stream of chatter about skating and the Wollman Rink. Everything suddenly jolted back into focus, though, as Nikita's words finally registered. "...out there with two giant razor blades strapped to your feet. You'll love it."

Amanda's heart slammed to a stop for a second before it started beating again at twice its usual rate. There were certain aspects to her job at Division that it was necessary to keep as quiet as possible - it was hard to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to someone who had a reputation for being skilled at torture - but the agents who did know still talked, even going so far as to create that ridiculous nickname Percy had so perversely insisted on making her use.

There was no denying in that moment that Amanda wanted Nikita in particular to be kept completely ignorant of that nickname and everything it represented - had always wanted it - even if she shied away from too close an examination of why. Anxiety turned to annoyance with herself, though, as she finally realized Nikita had simply been making a joke that had nothing whatsoever to do with her in particular.

Her annoyance and unease shifted into dismay the second she took a look at the moderately crowded rink and actively considered for the first time the very public battering her dignity was going to take as Nikita taught her to skate. Nikita, seeming to sense that thought, looked up from lacing her skates with a reassuring smile and pointed out the various other adults out there who were also learning.

After that, she wisely allowed Amanda a little more time to gather her courage, under the guise of reacquainting herself with the skill she hadn't used in years so that she could properly pass it on to Amanda. Amanda - grateful for Nikita's empathy and sensitivity - didn't feel particularly inclined to argue, and decided she'd take her time lacing up her own skates while Nikita was otherwise occupied.

Amanda was halfway through lacing the first skate when she caught sight of Nikita out on the ice, weaving in and out of the other skaters with the same quicksilver-like speed and grace she displayed on solid ground. Her hands stilled completely, laces forgotten, as Nikita found an empty spot and ran through a few simple jumps and turns, seemingly oblivious to anything but the feel of moving across the ice.

For once, Amanda was amused with herself for being so easily distracted rather than being annoyed, though she was certainly annoyed with herself after her race to to finish lacing her skates led to hopelessly tangled laces that she was still struggling with when Nikita returned. Nikita just smiled at her and helped her get everything sorted out without even saying a word about it.

After that, there was nothing else to do but head out onto the ice. Amanda panicked a little at the loss of traction as the surface changed, but Nikita, skating backwards as if it were the easiest thing in all the world, took her hands and carefully led her over to the rink's wall. "I've seen you dance - and if you can do that in those heels of yours, you can do this."

Nikita proved to be an extraordinarily patient teacher, even when Amanda proved to be a less than exemplary student - the few times it looked like Amanda might trip or fall, Nikita rushed in to make sure she didn't, and Amanda was eventually able to relax enough to start enjoying herself. It didn't take very long at all, actually, for her to feel comfortable enough to race Nikita for short stints, even though they both knew Nikita wasn't even really trying to win.

If pressed, Amanda wouldn't have been able to remember the last time she'd had that much fun, much less the last time she'd had that much fun doing something so physically active. The various objections she'd so carefully outlined earlier that day while standing in her kitchen faded away to nothing as she found herself simply enjoying the challenge of learning something new under Nikita's tutelage - which, of course, meant that something was bound to bring every single one of those objections back the instant she'd fully forgotten them.

It happened during one of her sprints with Nikita, once she finally felt confident enough to truly test her speed. Nikita usually stayed on the outside, to keep the path clear for Amanda, but Amanda skated out past her in a fit of competitiveness - just in time to realize she didn't yet have the easy maneuverability to avoid the skater about to run right into her.

Amanda managed to move aside just enough to turn it from a full collision into a harmless bump of shoulders, but that bump was still enough to throw her off balance. Cursing under her breath, she felt her feet slip out from under her and braced herself for the inevitable fall to the ice - only to find disaster averted as Nikita grabbed her by the coat and forcibly dragged her to the wall.

Every awkward moment of the last couple days came roaring back as Amanda also suddenly found herself pinning Nikita to the wall of the rink - Nikita's desperate scramble to keep Amanda from falling hadn't left any time or room to get herself out of the way, and she was currently caught between Amanda and the wall. They were both clinging to each other - no one's hands had ended up anywhere inappropriate, for a small mercy - and neither of them could seem to let go.

Amanda finally pushed the breathlessness and touch of vertigo aside - insisting to herself that it was only adrenaline from almost falling - and made herself let go of Nikita when she realized that the person she'd collided with was standing there waiting to speak to them, an amused and somewhat knowing look on their face. She felt her cheeks burn as she took in that expression, but told herself it was just raised blood pressure from all the skating.

It had all been an accident, of course, so they accepted their fellow skater's apology with good grace and even chatted for a moment. Pleasant as that was, though, the happy, comfortable bubble of the last couple hours had been broken, and Amanda suddenly found herself feeling cold, tired, and generally out of sorts. She also found herself with a sudden longing for the quiet solitude of her penthouse that she'd never really had before.

Nikita chose not to comment on Amanda's sudden shift in mood - instead, she bought them both some spiced tea to warm them up, and insisted they walk for a bit to stretch their legs. Amanda didn't argue - despite the fact that part of her wanted nothing more than to be wherever Nikita Mears wasn't - and found that the tea and quiet walk worked wonders on her mood.

She was still more than ready to go home, though, so they called a cab. Nikita's undemanding small talk during the ride back to the apartment building completed the task of settling Amanda's nerves, and they were actually laughing and joking with each other by the time the cab pulled up - Nikita even extracted a quasi-serious promise as they said goodbye that Amanda would at least eat lunch before going back to her reports and paperwork, while easily agreeing to Amanda's request that she let her know she'd made it home alright.

Amanda was, in fact, pretty close to grinning from ear to ear as she walked into the lobby of her building - not that she'd ever have admitted to it. Dani, who'd let Nikita up earlier that morning, was still at the front desk, and couldn't help grinning at that herself - they didn't see much of Doctor Collins, who was apparently very busy most days, but she was always extremely courteous to the staff, and Dani figured she deserved someone to make her happy.

Dani managed to hide her grin as she was asked to add Nikita Mears to the list of permitted visitors, but it came back the second Doctor Collins turned away. Spotting a stack of flyers that had gotten shuffled off to the side, Dani waited until the doctor was a few steps away before calling her back, hoping it seemed completely impromptu.

Amanda probably never even realized the way her smile widened just a touch as she stared at the full-color advertisement for a local Christmas light display. She certainly never questioned her sudden and unusual interest in going to see it...


	3. Make My Wish Come True

Amanda surprised herself by sleeping in the next morning - granted, eight in the morning on Christmas Day wasn't exactly setting a record anywhere, but Amanda was an early riser and it was much later than she normally slept.

She'd taken Nikita's request to heart, keeping her promise to at least eat lunch before burying herself again in her paperwork and reports - keeping it and then some, actually, as she'd allotted herself a couple hours (after eating, of course) to take care of what couldn't wait before spending the rest of the day relaxing.

It had felt strangely good to simply sit and read just for pleasure as music played quietly in the background. So much so, in fact, that she'd taken her book to bed with her and actually fallen asleep reading - which also meant that she'd forgotten to set her alarm, and slept until she woke on her own for the first time in ages.

It was an extremely pleasant sensation, if a little disorienting, and Amanda was actually smiling as she sat up and stretched. The smile grew even wider as she caught sight of Nikita's gift on the nightstand - she wasn't sure exactly why she'd left it there, but the logical part of her simply pointed out that it ensured she wouldn't forget Nikita's gift and inadvertently hurt her feelings.

The mere thought of Nikita conjured up a tangled web of emotions that Amanda wasn't nearly awake enough to contemplate yet, so she did what any human being in possession of even the tiniest vestige of an inner child did when confronted with a present on Christmas morning. She opened it, and completely ignored anything that interfered with that goal or the pleasure of pursuing it.

Amanda hadn't received many spontaneous, heartfelt gifts in her life - not that she ever let herself dwell on that fact - and that may have been what compelled her to take such care opening the small package, carefully preserving the red and gold wrapping paper and matching ribbons. It was indeed jewelry, exactly as she'd guessed from the size and shape of the box, but she raised an eyebrow in surprise as she recognized the name of a small and very expensive boutique.

Hoping she wouldn't have to add a further conversation about giving inappropriately expensive gifts to the growing list of things she needed to discuss with Nikita, Amanda opened the box. Her eyes widened in pleased appreciation as she took in the necklace that Nikita had chosen for her, and she pulled it from the box to get a closer look.

It was a simple necklace, with a gold chain and a gold and diamond pendant - not so extravagant that she'd need to talk to Nikita after all, thankfully, though she was familiar enough with the boutique's prices to wince a little at the prospective price tag. It was easy enough to see why Nikita had picked it out for her - the pendant was in the shape of a capitalized letter A that looked remarkably like her own handwriting.

It wasn't more than a moment or two after putting the necklace on that Amanda's phone buzzed with an incoming text message. Somehow, she wasn't the least bit surprised to find that it was Nikita, whose message consisted of a simple _Merry Christmas_.

Amanda smiled as she typed out her reply. _Good morning, and Merry Christmas to you too. The necklace is lovely - thank you very much._

She rolled her eyes as Nikita responded with an emoticon of a broad smile and nothing else. Then those same eyes fell on the flyer she'd been given the day before - which had somehow ended up on her nightstand alongside Nikita's present - and hesitated for a moment before giving the mental equivalent of a 'why the hell not' shrug. _Are you free tonight?_

Nikita's response was quick, and teasing. The party should be done around five. _Why? Do you need me to come cook for you again?_

Amanda actually laughed aloud at that. _I can cook for myself just fine, thank you. There's a display of Christmas lights I thought we could go see once it gets dark._

The moment she sent the reply, Amanda found herself second-guessing the wording - especially when no immediate response was forthcoming. Then she got annoyed with herself and decided she needed tea and food if she was going to have to continue holding any sort of conversation with Nikita - not that it honestly made her worry any less when Nikita remained silent.

Finally, as she sat sipping at her tea and picking at her breakfast while reading the morning paper, her phone buzzed again. _Sorry, watching the neighbors' kid and she hid my phone when I wasn't looking. Christmas lights sound awesome. What time?_

Amanda quickly sent the time and location, smiling as Nikita acknowledged it and added another teasing message. _Sure you don't want me to come over there and cook for you again?_

Rolling her eyes yet again, Amanda teased a bit in response. _Not if it means bringing a toddler over here with you._

Nikita laughed at that - communicated via one of those acronyms Amanda found as annoying as the emoticons - before firing off another shot. _You know I'll never believe you can cook unless you make me dinner, right?_

Shaking her head, Amanda decided it was time to end the conversation. _Goodbye, Nikita. I'll see you at six - don't be late._

Nikita's reply was a bit more serious than her previous one, but it made Amanda smile anyway. _I wouldn't dare. Call me if you need anything before then._

Setting the phone aside, Amanda went back to her breakfast, appetite strangely restored. She didn't even realize for several minutes that she'd started humming to herself between bites, or that she continued to do so even as she started looking over the reports she'd set aside the day before.

Having had an unusually productive day - interrupted only by taking herself someplace nice for an early Christmas dinner after a pointed (and wholly unnecessary) reminder from Nikita - Amanda was more than ready by sunset to spend a little time on her feet and moving around. She honestly had little interest in Christmas lights, but she knew Nikita would enjoy them, and had decided that it would be a nice way to thank her for their excursion the day before.

It was surprisingly easy to locate Nikita, even with the unexpectedly large crowds - of course, the laughing, squealing toddler Nikita was holding probably did quite a bit to help. The sight threw Amanda for a moment, but Nikita's happiness was apparently infectious and she ended up smiling as she walked over to the pair.

Nikita greeted Amanda with a huge smile, encouraging the little girl in her arms to smile and wave at her too. A couple around Nikita's age stepped over just as Amanda got there, and the entire scenario suddenly made sense as Amanda recognized Nikita's neighbors - the apartment to the right of Nikita's held a family with a two-year-old daughter, and Amanda had seen pictures of them all while vetting the apartment building and its residents.

Nikita introduced everyone - James Keller, his wife Charlotte, and their daughter Chloe - and Amanda did her best to bury the unease the conversation caused her. She already knew that the Kellers were just a typical civilian family, and there was no harm in meeting them face-to-face this once - the more practical side of her also recognized that it gave her a nice gauge for how well Nikita's cover was holding up.

Little Chloe didn't really seem interested in any of the pleasantries, preferring to direct her attention to Amanda's brightly-colored scarf once she caught sight of it. It was rather sweet and charming, even if Amanda didn't normally care much for children, and she indulged the little girl by taking the chubby little hand that was extended to her. "You must be the one who hid Nikita's phone earlier."

"Kita!" Chloe laughed and squealed again as she echoed Nikita's name - or what part of it she could easily pronounce at two years old - and wrapped her arms back around Nikita's neck. Amanda just smiled, not at all surprised that Nikita was apparently very good with children.

She continued smiling as she watched Nikita try and untangle herself from Chloe in order to hand the little girl back to her mother. It wasn't that she was having some sort of maudlin reaction to the sight of Nikita with a child - that just wasn't her at all. It was more that she was strangely pleased to see Nikita doing something as normal as making friends with her neighbors and even babysitting their child.

The Kellers were nice enough - and Amanda would honestly have been just fine with them sticking around if that's what Nikita had intended - but she was also little relieved when they made their excuses and went on their way. She wasn't quite ready to examine why that was, though, so she didn't.

Instead, she just arched an eyebrow at Nikita, who was laughing as she spun in a circle with her head thrown back and her arms flung out at her sides. "What are you doing?"

"It's a giant Christmas tree," Nikita explained as she grabbed Amanda's arm to steady herself, pointing at the strands of lights currently over their heads. "You're supposed to spin underneath it so that it all blurs together and creates the illusion."

A quick examination of the structure - plus the other people spinning underneath it - confirmed Nikita's explanation. It was cute enough - if a bit kitschy to Amanda's admittedly overly-particular eyes - and definitely made an appropriate starting point for a large display of Christmas lights.

The lights themselves proved to be somewhat less touristy, thankfully, though the look on Nikita's face as they reached the start of the trail told Amanda that she wouldn't have cared even if they had been. The official start of the display was an arching canopy composed largely of blue and white lights, and Amanda had to concede that it was actually rather pretty.

Nikita grabbed Amanda's hand as they entered that canopy, and Amanda covered her somewhat startled reaction by pretending it was the fault of the person who'd just bumped into her. She didn't really have much time to worry about it, though, as Nikita suddenly slid into a happy, bouncy mood that made Amanda think of nothing so much as an over-excited puppy - and if Nikita continued holding her hand, well, that was just as well since it was probably all that was keeping Nikita from wandering off ahead of her.

The crush of people at the canopy entrance rapidly thinned out once they were out from under it, and gave Amanda enough breathing room that she could actually attempt to enjoy the various displays. It honestly wasn't that difficult - the more traditional displays were actually quite beautiful, and the ones that weren't were generally still quite clever in their execution. A few displays centered around pop culture references that she couldn't quite identify, but Nikita seemed to enjoy explaining them to her well enough.

The only real complaint she ended up having was the music - definitely too repetitive and sentimental for her taste, even if she did find herself smiling as Nikita sang along with the various carols under her breath.

They passed through another canopy about halfway through the trail, this one a riot of colors - as expected by that point, Nikita found it absolutely breathtaking while Amanda found it a bit too overwhelming to truly like it. Nikita was still teasing her about it when they walked up on one of the many clusters of food and drink vendors, at which point they both decided they could use something hot to drink after walking around in the cold.

It was a bit crowded around the many vendors, so Amanda opted to save a spot at the nearby picnic tables while Nikita waited in line. Amanda actually managed to find a completely empty table, and used the time alone to catch her breath - it was good to see Nikita so excited and happy, but trying to keep up with her was a little overwhelming.

Nikita came walking over a few moments later, and Amanda couldn't help but raise her eyebrows in dismayed disapproval at the plate-sized mass of fried dough and powdered sugar she held in one hand. "What is that?"

Nikita just grinned as she handed Amanda her cup of hot spiced tea. "You've never had funnel cake?"

"I can't say that I have." Amanda had never had much of a sweet tooth, and couldn't imagine that the funnel cake was going to be anything other than sickeningly sweet.

She was right, of course, and couldn't hide that fact after she let herself be coerced into trying a bite, but Nikita laughed rather than being offended. Amanda watched with a kind of faintly horrified disbelief as Nikita then proceeded to eat the entire funnel cake herself at an alarming pace - the thing was the same size as the paper plate it was on, and covered with more powdered sugar than Amanda had ever seen utilized at any one time. To make it worse, she was apparently washing the thing down with cheap, over-sweetened hot chocolate...

It made quite the mess, even though Amanda was certain that Nikita was actually being neater than most people would have been. That led to a supremely awkward moment once Nikita finished wherein Amanda reached out for Nikita's face, napkin in hand, before she even realized what she was doing - fortunately, the moment was interrupted by the buzzing of a cell phone, leading them both to immediately start digging in their jacket pockets.

"It's mine," Nikita said, having managed to retrieve her phone first. Then she frowned as she read whatever was on her screen. "Great. That was Charlotte - the power is out at my building... again."

Amanda frowned herself, inferring from Nikita's statement that this had apparently been a recurring issue lately. Her response to the situation surprised even her, especially considering that the words tumbled out before she could even finish thinking them. "You can stay with me."

Nikita gave her an odd look, and Amanda hastened to get the conversation back onto more comfortable footing. "There's no reason for you to stay at a hotel when I have four spare bedrooms."

Amanda's logic didn't really make things any more comfortable, but it at least gave them something to hide their discomfort behind. Nikita accepted the offer, promising that it wouldn't be for long and that she wouldn't be any trouble, after which Amanda provided the obligatory reassurances that she already knew as much.

Amanda managed to push aside her own unease at the idea of Nikita staying at the penthouse for however long it took to get the power back on at her building - it was too late to retract that invitation now, anyway, no matter how much she might want to - though it took great effort to do so and seriously impacted her ability to enjoy the rest of the lights. Fortunately, it didn't seem to have the same effect on Nikita.

By the time they made it back to Amanda's apartment building, though, Amanda had managed to reconcile herself to the idea of Nikita's extended presence and the awkwardness it was sure to bring with it. Neither of them were children, after all - they could surely manage staying under the same roof for a few days. (Of course, that did nothing whatsoever to keep Amanda from privately resolving to apply some pressure to whoever managed the upkeep on Nikita's building...)

They stopped at the front desk to let the clerk know about Nikita's extended visit, telling them that Nikita was an employee of the company holding the penthouse, then headed up. The first few moments alone in the penthouse were exceedingly awkward, through no fault of their own - they both knew that Amanda didn't really want to share her space with visitors, even a friend like Nikita, and the fact that she'd have to lend Nikita some of her own things until they could get over to Nikita's apartment certainly didn't help.

Still, they eventually managed to settle in comfortably together - and much more quickly than they'd expected, to be honest. As Amanda's usual portion of the penthouse was in fact also her bedroom, they decided that the library would make excellent common space until they had a better idea of how long Nikita might be staying - the spare rooms all had their own bathrooms, and there was no issue with sharing the kitchen or breakfast room, so the negotiating process was actually pretty painless.

The library was stuffed full of books - Amanda smiled at the way the sight caused Nikita's eyes to light up - and also boasted an excellent entertainment system. Amanda had honestly never even used the entertainment system, never caring much for television or movies, but found she didn't mind Nikita turning the large television on - she was, however, a bit surprised when Nikita bypassed all the usual holiday fare in favor of a fine arts channel that was showing different versions of Tchaikovsky's _The Nutcracker_. She'd never realized that Nikita held a special fondness for that particular ballet, and couldn't help smiling again at Nikita's enthusiasm as she settled in to watch.

Amanda even opted to watch with her for a little while - while not her favorite, she'd always enjoyed it well enough, and Nikita's enthusiasm was, as apparently usual, a little infectious. She was a bit surprised to learn that Nikita had never gone to see it in person - outside of the usual field trip it seemed every schoolchild took - but didn't think much of it afterward as a lingering chill from the earlier outing led her into the kitchen with a sudden craving for some mulled wine.

She hadn't been planning on making it, so she was pleasantly surprised to find that she had everything she needed - including a nice port she knew would suit Nikita's apparent sweet tooth. It was a little - okay, a lot - more domestic than she normally got when home on her own, but having a house guest provided an excellent excuse, though she was adamant that she was simply being a gracious hostess rather than making an unusual and not-quite-understandable effort to please Nikita in particular. (Amanda had a feeling that that was most definitely going to become a familiar refrain if Nikita stayed for very long at all...)

It took Amanda about half an hour to prepare the mulled wine, and she was certain she'd made a lot more of it than she'd intended to, but she decided it was worth it when she learned Nikita had never actually tried it. Part of her quietly warned that alcohol wasn't going to help make things any less awkward as she went to hand Nikita a glass, but she ignored it and turned her attention back to the television - things seemed comfortable enough for now, with the two of them curled up on opposite ends of the couch discussing the differences between the current performance and the one that had just ended.

Things certainly seemed relaxed enough as they found themselves drifting closer and closer together on the couch. Too relaxed was probably a more apt description, to be honest - the fact that Amanda didn't object when Nikita curled up next to her and put her head on Amanda's shoulder should have been a warning of sorts, but it felt nice and comforting and totally harmless, so Amanda let it slide.

Amanda ignored the second warning in much the same way - it was both more subtle and more immediate, and seemed equally harmless. It was hard to fathom how giving in to the urge to reach out and brush a stray lock of hair from Nikita's face could be at all problematic - except that it very much was, and Amanda came to regret the gesture almost immediately.

The second she touched Nikita's face, something changed - whatever it was that had been lingering between them the last few days suddenly rushed back to the surface, and Amanda found herself with an armful of Nikita as the other woman pushed her back against the cushions and kissed her.

Things went hazy after that, and by the time coherent thought returned, Amanda was reaching for the waistband of Nikita's jeans - Nikita's sweater and shirt had already been removed and tossed aside, though no one had apparently bothered to remove her bra just yet. Nikita, for her part, was busy tugging at the hem of Amanda's sweater and didn't seem to notice that Amanda had pulled back a little.

The dizziness and faint headache that had accompanied Amanda's return to reality hadn't faded at all over the last few moments - knowing what that indicated, Amanda pushed Nikita's hands away. "Nikita, stop."

Nikita obeyed without arguing, though she seemed a bit confused as to why she'd suddenly been told to back off. Amanda did a quick check and realized that they'd apparently drunk all the mulled wine she'd made - and that she had no clue how much of it they'd each consumed individually. She really should have been keeping a better watch, especially on Nikita, and annoyance at herself bubbled up to overshadow everything else.

"I'm… I'm just gonna go," Nikita mumbled, clearly embarrassed and apparently worried that Amanda's flash of irritation had been directed at her. She seemed steady enough on her feet as she hastily put her shirt and sweater back on, but Amanda wasn't going to trust that assessment when she didn't know how much Nikita had actually drunk.

The fog started to lift a little, and Amanda also remembered that Nikita was here because her apartment building had no power. "You've been drinking, Nikita, *and* your power is out - you're not going anywhere right now."

Nikita actually smiled a little at that, and some of the tension faded from the room. "I know. I was just going to go to one of the guest rooms and sleep this off."

"Good," Amanda said, forcing herself to smile back. "Make sure you drink a glass of water first."

She sat there for several moments struggling to gather her thoughts after Nikita left the room, then decided that Nikita had had the right idea - whatever needed to be done or said could wait until tomorrow, after they'd both slept the port off. Pausing only to take her own advice - she didn't figure either of them would be hung over, but the extra hydration couldn't hurt - she quickly got herself ready for bed.

She fell asleep easily enough, but woke up a few hours later - no worse for wear, fortunately, outside of being a little thirsty. Getting up to get some water gave her an excuse to go check on Nikita as well, so she started making her way to the kitchen as she tried to guess which guest room Nikita had picked out.

She couldn't help smiling as she found that Nikita had chosen the one just around the corner from the master suite - Nikita was in fact sound asleep, apparently completely relaxed and smiling at some pleasant dream or other. The gas fireplace had been turned on, and Amanda let herself watch the firelight play across Nikita's face for a moment, acknowledging - however obliquely - the tangled mix of feelings the younger woman had come to evoke in her.

She stopped herself just short of pulling up the covers and tucking them around Nikita, shaking her head in wry amusement as she forced herself to head back out into the hallway to continue toward the kitchen. Somewhere between stepping through that doorway and finishing her glass of water in the kitchen, she reached the decision that she wanted to see where all of this led, and rules be damned - she had no idea how they'd make it all work, but she wanted the chance to try.

She also had a burst of inspiration, finally settling on the perfect, if somewhat belated, Christmas gift for Nikita. Grabbing her tablet from the table in the breakfast room, she started checking for the next performance of _The Nutcracker_...


End file.
